The older kids down my block once told me that if I stood in front of a mirror in the dark and repeated “Bloody Mary” over and over while spinning around, a bloody Mary Stuart would be waiting for me inside the mirror, and I would need to shine a flashlight on her before she got me. For half of my childhood, between that horror story and Gremlins, I could not walk into a bathroom without reaching in and flicking the light on first.

My second encounter with Bloody Mary consisted of V8 juice, Worcestershire sauce and lemon pepper. It was a special treat, a drink that my mom would make me when I didn’t misbehave, and it laid down the groundwork for what became my lifelong craving for tomato juice. There is always V8 or tomato juice in Zach Mann’s refrigerator – it’s a habit that friends of mine might point out as a defining characteristic.

Despite my other lifelong craving, one for higher blood-alcohol levels, I didn’t encounter a real Bloody Mary until my semester abroad. In Moscow, my friends and I once loitered on a park bench in Aleksandrovnii Sad with a backpack full of vodka and homemade Bloody Mary mix with nothing else to do. In St. Petersburg, two Russian woman informed me that a true Russian Bloody Mary – a Bloody Masha, perhaps – was a shot glass full of vodka, a dash of tomato juice and a tomato juice chaser.

New York School of Bartending’s Bloody Mary

1.5 oz vodka (one shot)
“Rest of glass” tomato juice
1 dash celery salt
1 dash black pepper
1 dash Tabasco sauce
2-4 dashes Worcestershire sauce
1/8 tsp horseradish
Dash lemon or lime juice

They aren’t difficult to make. As long as no ingredient is overdone, the potency of tomato juice will cover your tracks. It’ll negate skunk stink; an imbalance of Tabasco and horseradish is not a large concern in a glass full of tomato juice. This isn’t mixology. This is the construction of a salad in a glass.

Personal preference, however, attracts perfection, and the construction of a Bloody Mary for oneself is an ongoing battle of adjustments. Oops, too much hot sauce. Hmm, it needs more black pepper. Yikes, too much Worcestershire – just kidding, there’s no such thing.

The New York School’s recipe seemed like the wisest place to start, and wisdom is exactly what you get with a possibly flawless cocktail. The initial sensation is a combination of fresh salad and Chicago barbecue sauce. Worcestershire and horseradish add a savory note, the Tabasco sauce keeps the spice multidimensional, and the vodka’s bite is tamed by tomato and lemon, leaving a distant edge on an otherwise mild glass of tomato juice. It’s tasty and refreshing, and if there’s any weak point here, it’s simply that the balanced beverage is too safe. This Bloody Mary doesn’t stand out.

These recipes do stand out. Fernand Petiot’s hangover cure, the reputed original recipe developed in New York during the prohibition, is not a safe, balanced beverage. Petiot wanted to give illicitly-wet New Yorkers a reason to stand up straight the morning after, and his recipe provides the kick required. The first blast is lemon, a citrus misdirection that completely hides the taste of my seven-dollar vodka and might have tempered even 1920′s bathtub swill. The second and final blast is pepper, a gastronomical wake-up call. Petiot’s potion isn’t the taste-bud twister that other Bloody Mary recipes try to cram into a glass, and it’s for that reason that I don’t find much value in the result. The cocktail is watery and acidic, living in one deadly dimension.

The second is a remix of the NY School’s recipe. The lone difference is one ingredient that I never expected to see in a glass of tomato juice: wine in place of lemon. Curiosity convinced me to give it a try, and despite only including one dash of Cabernet Sauvignon, the resulting beverage is, for lack of a better term, winey. One dash somehow disassembles the spicy and savory notes in the original recipe, leaving only the sourness of the wine with the already acidic tomato juice. I was not a fan.

The best Bloody Mary I’ve ever had can be found in an Irish sports bar in the Inner Richmond. The Abbey Tavern’s five-dollar Sunday special is the perfect breakfast for NFL fans and alcoholics alike, a dark, deep, savory snack that employs a well-known Bloody Mary secret. The secret is well-known in Irish bars across the country, at least, and I would like to personally thank that brilliant Irishman who originally discovered the magical marriage that harmoniously coexists between tomato juice and draught Guinness.

Despite my tomato juice fandom, classic back-porch michelada-style cocktails do not appeal to me. In a Bloody Mary, however, Guinness serves as the perfect check and balance for the acidic nature of the NY School’s recipe. It adds body to a bold beverage and smoothness that turns the somewhat pasty nature of tomato juice into silk. It turns a refreshing drink into a potion of comfort, something far more reminiscent of my mother’s afternoon V8 remixes than the ghost of Mary Stuart.

The Guinness also allows more room for error, a privilege of which I took advantage to tweak the recipe. I upped the quantity of Worcestershire sauce, one of my favorite tastes in the edible universe, and celery salt, a key condiment for both hot dogs and tomatoes. I also replaced black pepper and lemon with lemon pepper, one of my favorite things in the pantry. The result, I believe, approaches my ideal recipe:

Zach Mann’s Maroon Mary

1.5 oz vodka (one shot)
4-5 dashes Worcestershire sauce
2 pinches celery salt
1 dash hot sauce
1-2 dashes lemon pepper
1/8 tsp horseradish
3-4 oz tomato juice (two shots)
1.5 oz Guinness (one shot, added last)

Use cold beer and juice, frozen vodka. Pour in order: vodka, spices, tomato juice, Guinness. Stir with celery stalk. Garnish however you please. Don’t forget a flashlight.

Share this story. Stay hungry.

• 

This entry was posted on Friday, October 29th, 2010 at 11:27 am and is filed under Recipes, San Francisco.