Six Degrees of Caramelized Bacon

by James Boo on October 14, 2008 · 19 comments

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“Do you think when the guy came up with the idea to invent the bong, a blacklight popped up over his head?” -Mitch Hedberg

I’m not quite sure what popped up over my head when I was blessed with the idea for bacon corn dog ice cream. I only know what popped into my stomach: an urgent, perverse sense of hunger that may be the closest I’ll ever get to bearing a child. Suffice it to say, I discovered who my true friends were when I began spread the message of bacon corn dog ice cream and its potential benefits for human civilization. Meg and the Mathemagician immediately volunteered to help me realize this vision, and in two weeks I was mixing corn dog batter in their kitchen.

Homemade Mini Corn Dogs Homemade Mini Corn Dogs
Homemade Mini Corn Dogs Homemade Mini Corn Dogs
I used a disheveled Wikihow recipe for the corn dogs, replacing full sized frankfurters with cocktail wieners. My first few attempts were overcooked and uneven, but eventually I mastered the art of the coat-and-fry, turning out frank-filled hush puppies that plumped, crisped, and melted in my mouth in one ineffable bite. The main event, of course, was the groundbreaking submersion of mini corn dogs into a river of ice cream. To administer our great experiment, Meg prepared what would become the greatest ice cream I have ever tasted.

She followed a recipe for candied bacon ice cream, with two key changes. The first was to eliminate the candying process, instead frying and chopping the bacon to mix, unadorned, into the final product. The second change was to replace the butter in our ice cream custard with pure bacon fat. The results of this alteration were immense: while the taste of bacon emerged as a subtle undercurrent, the richness of the mixture was downright devilry. Sensations of maple, meat, and brown sugar streamed from the spoon in deceptively smooth ribbons of flavor, each more consummate than the last. The fresh bacon bits completed the picture perfectly, providing a savory punch and a scatter shot of focus for the bacon fat in the ice cream.

Homemade Bacon Ice Cream Bacon Ice Cream With Mini Corn Dogs
Having taken the penultimate step towards my black bulb thought bubble, I fried up a handful of mini-corn dogs, mixed them into my bowl of ice cream, and immediately lifted the spoon to my mouth. The freshly fried cornmeal batter promptly absorbed its host, not unlike the fried shell of tempura ice cream. My bite into the corn dog retained the crisp of its batter, which quickly gave way to a delightfully blended texture of crumbs and cream, all swirling around the pronounced bite of a cocktail frankfurter in its prime. While the intrusion of a streetwise hot dog into the more sophisticated realm of bacon fat and milk brought an abrupt end to the symphony of flavor, it remained reassuring to anyone who’s ever wondered if chicken fried bacon would be great or amazing, or jumped at the chance to taste a fresh batch of Kool-Aid pickles.

Surely this was not a dessert for all seasons. The Mathemagician joined in my revelry of a dream fulfilled, but Meg noted that the ice cream made her feel sick. This didn’t change the fact that it may be her greatest accomplishment yet and a feat I hope to outdo in some future act of culinary daring and unspeakable fat that redefines the meaning of the words, “American fried.”

Cheri weeks October 14, 2008 at 7:55 pm

Ahhhhh, if we never meet in this lifetime I will see you in the next! Maybe sooner than later since I though the idea and inevitable taste of bacon ice cream sounds great. Shear genius!

Cheri weeks October 14, 2008 at 8:11 pm

You’ll have to forgive the spelling you can tell I LOVE reality television it takes me away from my own reality!

matt October 14, 2008 at 11:04 pm

i had more of the ice cream last night, i think it is only getting richer. i still want to make old bay ( ice cream sandwiches with crab cakes for cookies, but meg is lukewarm to the idea at best. perhaps one day my dream will come true.

hallie October 14, 2008 at 11:52 pm

there are so many things i want to say in response to this that i don’t even know where to start. i think i’ll just mention that this means i should never have been questioned for my peanut butter and bacon idea and leave it at that.

brilynn October 15, 2008 at 12:02 am

I love Mitch! I made bacon ice cream a while back but I made mine with just caramelized bacon, but you’ve taken it to a whole other level.

James October 14, 2008 at 9:23 pm

Thanks Cheri! Let’s make some more bacon ice cream and we can race to the next lifetime :P

taosterman October 15, 2008 at 2:37 am

if there truly is a grand unifying theory of sweet and savory, you will be the one to find it. or perhaps you just did.

James October 14, 2008 at 11:21 pm

My friend, you are gentleman and a scholar.

James October 14, 2008 at 11:54 pm

My friend, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

Meg October 15, 2008 at 5:00 am

Ok to be fair the ice cream with the corn dogs was delicious, although super rich, but it did make me feel pretty ill afterward. When are you going to come over and eat the rest?

James October 15, 2008 at 12:33 am

If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say “I love Mitch,” I’d be making money in a very weird way.

Cow Exploder October 15, 2008 at 8:32 am

I’ve just finished 8 of the 20 worst foods in America, but even I think this is way too disgusting to try. Salt, fat, and sweet usually don’t go that well together. Add cream and protein and you’re asking for a slew of intestinal problems. I don’t know. If you put Wienerschnitzel corn dogs (sans sticks), bacon and ice cream in a blender and made a smoothie out of them, I might be able to stomach the mix. But intentionally creating this?? Uh oh… I’m getting hungry…

James October 15, 2008 at 8:34 am

Meg, if bring whatever’s left over with you when you pick me up on Friday and I will eat it on the way to Vegas :)
Thanks again for being the brains (and brawn) behind the bacon ice cream!

zmmann October 16, 2008 at 4:53 pm

I’ve never been so hurt in my life than the time I read this entry and a sample didn’t arrive in the mail.

Anna October 16, 2008 at 6:23 pm

My knees are getting weak just *reading* this. Please post a recipe? Or mail me some? Or better yet, will you adopt me? I’m housebroken!

eatenpath October 16, 2008 at 7:36 pm

Hey Anna,

I just e-mailed you with the skinny on the recipe! Go forth and churn.

shavedicesundays October 18, 2008 at 6:12 am

Now I don’t feel so bad after eating my Wendy’s burger this AM after reading this post. LOL.

Nicole January 28, 2009 at 3:03 am

:O I’m in awe.

Have you tried these ( yet? I think they might merit their own coating of cornbread batter…

James January 28, 2009 at 4:27 am

I haven’t had the chance to try one of those, but it looks like a winner :)

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